Beer and Nerd
by Ebony Dark'ness
Summary: For "the Final Sacrifice", a low budget film featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000 in season 9. Follow the adventures of Troy, Rowsdower and Mike Pipper in their journey to defeat evil Satoris the Ziox cult. T for violence.
1. Chapter 1

Hi my name is Troy McGregor and I am a pre-Internet nerdy boy whose father died seven years ago. I wear a red sweater, a jacket and jeans all the time. I live in southern Alberta, Canada. Today I went to school. A lot of people stared at me, thinking I'm a dork.

"Hey Troy!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…a bully!

"What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. But then he made fun of me and I had to go away.

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. I looked outside and saw a bunch of plants. I got up, brushed my teeth, put on my usual clothes, and went to the kitchen. Aunt Betty woke up then and came to the kitchen too. She made me breakfast.

"What did the kids do to you in school yesterday?" she asked like she always did in the morning.

"What they usually do," I answered.

"Do you like anyone?" she asked.

"No I don't!" I shouted and walked to school.

"Have fun at school!" she exclaimed. When I got there, a bully walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied in monotone.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, we're taking a drive through the woods and you're not invited." he told me.

"Oh," I replied emotionally. I wonder if they'll ever find the city of Ziox. I know where it is.

"Well, are you jealous?" he asked. I gasped. After school I tried to follow them around. A bully was waiting there in front of his pickup truck.

"Hi!" I said in a nasal voice.

"Hi Troy." he said back. He went into his car. When he wasn't looking I jumped into the back of the truck. On the way they made jokes about me. When they stopped, they all hopped out of the car and walked into a huge field. They finally noticed me.

"I know where we are." I said. Suddenly they looked mad.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I know where we are!" I said.

"Really?" asked a bully angrily and he put his arm around me all threatening.

"Really." I said. "Besides I can help you if you ever get lost." The night went on horribly, and I had a bad time. So did the bullies. After running around the field many times, we crawled back into the truck, but they didn't go back into our town, instead they drove the car into…the forest where Ziox was!

"Hey!" I shouted. "What do you think you are doing?" They didn't answer but they stopped the car and they walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. This is the beginning to a horror scene.

"What the hell?" I asked angrily, spotting the shotgun he was pulling out of his trench coat.

"Troy?" one of them asked, leveling the sight on me. "Do you like playing fox hunt?" he asked with a sick grin playing across his features.

"What?" I snapped. He leaned in extra-close and I looked into his threatening red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much anger and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel confused anymore. And then…suddenly he shot a round into the air and I ran for my life. Another bully climbed on top of me and started to beat me up against a tree. He tried to rip off my red sweater. Then he took out a thingie and you-know-what'd me.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to fall to the ground. He started to stab me everywhere and my wimpy body became all bloody. And then…

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERF***ERS!" It was…Rowsdower! Rowsdower made and the bullies follow him. He kept shouting at them angrily.

"You ludicrous fools!" he shouted. I started to bleed tears of blood down my cuts. A bully bothered me. When we went back to our town Rowsdower took us to my school's vice principal and a teacher who were both looking very angry.

"They were fighting in the forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked the vice principal.

"How dare you?" demanded the teacher.

And then a bully shrieked. "BECAUSE I HATE HIM!" Everyone was quiet.

Rowsdower and the vice principal still looked mad but the teacher said. "Fine. Very well. You may go home." The bullies and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you dead yet, Troy?" one of them asked me roughly.

"No I'm not." I said. I went to the bathroom at home and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into my red sweater pajamas. When I came out…a bully was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing a threatening song. I was so sad, even though it was okay for him to be there. We pushed and shoved each other. After that, we said we hate each other and he happily went home.

The next day I woke up in my room. I put on my usual clothes. In the kitchen, I ate some cereal. Then I went to school. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the juice he was drinking spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" he shouted angrily. He was proud to have said it when I looked up because I was looking into the angry face of a bully. He was wearing so much eyeliner and black lipstick he looked scary. He was wearing red contact lenses just like the one with the gun yesterday. He looked so mean that my body went all cold with fear when I saw him kind of like getting stuck in a freezer only there wasn't one so I wasn't in one you mean person.

"You should be sorry." he said in a loud voice.

"Sorry. What's your name?" I questioned.

"Don't ask for my name, dweeb." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the thought of harming you." he giggled.

"Well, I _am _pretty smart." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. He made fun of me for a while. Then another bully came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	2. Chapter 2

The guy who had a surprise to me held my hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I waved to the guy I bumped into. Dark misery was in his angry eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going to get beat up by another guy. Anyway, I went upstairs in fear with this person. We went into an empty room and locked the door. Then…he beat me up.

"Oh!" I screamed while getting hit when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on his arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing was the word…Vampire! I was so scared I tried to claw his face with my poisonous nails.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, running away.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" he pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you idiot!" I shouted. "You probably are a vampire anyway!" I ran out and he did too even though he looked really dumb. He has the word "idiot" stamped on his forehead but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in a classroom where a bunch of students having a lesson.

"ALL YOU BULLIES, LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled. The teacher started begging me to stop yelling.

"Troy, it's not what you think!" A guy screamed angrily, his dignity destroyed by the evil wench. A girl smiled at me defiantly. She flipped her long wavy platinum blonde hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on like everyone else. She was wearing plenty of bright eye makeup on.

"What is it that you desire, you silly nerd!" The teacher demanded angrily in his annoyed voice. I ignored him.

"People, I can't believe you are all picking on me!" I shouted at them. Everyone gasped. How could the beloved student body attend school everyday with someone so terrible that he made babies cry at night?

"But we have good reasons to pick on you!" said one of them.

"Yeah right! Leave me alone, you bastards!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the forest where I had found the lost city of Ziox. Then, I burst into tears. I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe people hate me. I began to cry against the tree where the guy stabbed me. Then, all of a sudden, a horrible man with red eyes and everything started running towards me. He saw me and wanted to gouge my eyes out! He was wearing a large black robe. It was…Satoris! He wanted to kill me!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Satoris shouted "You cannot run away!" and I couldn't run away.

"Fall to the ground and scream!" I shouted at him. Satoris fell to the ground and started to scream. "I call Troymon! Defeat that Satorismon!" I felt bad for him even though I hated him so I stopped.

"Troy," he yelled, "Thou must kill your fellow schoolmates!" But he wouldn't speak like that. Besides, he wouldn't want a nerd like me doing his work. I thought about the bullies and their red eyes and their black hair and makeup, how their faces looked so angry. I remembered that guy had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if they aren't vampires?

"No, Satoris!" I shouted back. Satoris gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou do not, then I shall kill thy beloved girls!" Satoris is God, because he is giving me, a lowly thing, a dirty duty.

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. Satoris got a dude-you're-so-retarded look on his face. He sees all and knows all. "I hath telekinesis and telepathy." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill your classmates, then thou know what will happen to the girls!" he shouted. Then he ran away angrily, shouting, "If thou doth refuseth my command, thy love shalt be punished most severely."

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly the guy came into the woods still with the stamp on his head.

"Hey!" I said.

"Hi!" That's definitely the response of someone who feels betrayed and just avoided death by badly used old verbiage.

"Hi," he said back, but his face was all angry. He was wearing black makeup and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram superimposed on his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No," he answered, "Because you're still around at school. Will I ever be rid of your filth?"

"I'm sorry I am so unlikeable, but I thought you were about to kill me," I expelled.

"That's not okay," he said all angry. We went back into the school together. Sadly for him, the evil guy hasn't killed me yet.

I was really scared about Satoris all day. I was even upset when I tried to listen to my favorite poser gothic metal band. I sing along with them and try to play their songs on guitar, so you should fear them. Some other fans of this band are Rowsdower and Mike Pipper. Only today everyone was busy so they won't come over for a listening party with me. They were probably bawling over Satoris coming back from the dead. I tried singing a cover of some sad song and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. More wangst from me!

"Troy! Are you OK?" the girl I liked asked from outside the window, probably wondering why I could be heard all the way at her house.

"What do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Satoris came and told me to kill everyone at school! But I don't want to kill them, because they'll get others to beat me up instead, even if they are going to die anyway. But if I don't kill them, then Satoris will kill you!" I burst into tears. Suddenly she jumped into my room from the first floor window and hit me with an onslaught of curses.

"Why didn't you tell me!" she shouted. "How could you- you- you nerd!" (See, is that out of character? If she's calling me by a label then she is.) I started to cry and cry. She started to cry too all sensitive. Then she ran to her house crying. I listened to music for one more hour. Then, suddenly Rowsdower walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and red like everybody else except me and I knew this time it wasn't cause he was drunk.

"What have you done?" He started to cry soberly. "Troy, the girl has been found in his room. She fainted from listening to you whine."


End file.
